How to Stop People Pleasing and Heal Codependency After Trauma
Summary
Ever say yes before you've even had a chance to ask yourself what you want? That isn't a character defect. It's your nervous system doing exactly what it was trained to do. Mandi sits down with Gayle Dargel, LMFT, a therapist and professor, to reframe people-pleasing as a nervous system response, not a personality trait.
Gayle explains the fawn response, hypervigilance, and why complex trauma can make even good moments feel dangerous, and how codependency can start long before we have words for it. Mandi opens up about walking on eggshells in her abusive marriage and rediscovering who she was after leaving. If you've ever felt empty, depleted, or unsure who you are outside of keeping everyone else happy, this conversation offers real hope and practical steps for reconnecting with yourself.
Resources
Drama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller on Amazon - Book Gayle recommends on how codependency shows up in early childhood development.
Connect with Gayle Dargel:
WEBSITE: GayleDargelTherapy.net - Coaching, somatic therapy (for individuals in California), blog, and contact page.
INSTAGRAM: @the.spiritual.therapist
BOOK: The Magic in Your Heart - Amazon and Barnes & Noble.
Connect with Mandi:
Website: WomenAwareAndPrepared.com
Take the Free Intuition Quiz WomenAwareAndPrepared.com/Quiz
Instagram: @WomenAwareAndPrepared
LinkedIn: Mandi Pratt
Approximate Timestamps
[01:20] People-pleasing: nervous system response, not character trait
[01:37] Fight or flight, anxiety, and hypervigilance
[03:50] Walking on eggshells: Mandi's domestic violence experience
[04:05] Self-abandonment and "Wait, who am I?" after leaving
[05:04] Gayle's story: keeping the peace as a child imprint
[06:00] Life after healing: the pendulum swing and feeling safe
[07:52] The fawn response: becoming the other person
[9:38] Neuroception and the window of tolerance
[10:15] False windows of tolerance: work, food, substances
[12:17] Complex trauma: "walking in a spider web"
[15:00] What codependency really is
[16:20] Family roles: the hero and the enabler
[19:28] How to move forward: feeling feelings and building new sense of self
[23:24] Distress tolerance and staying connected to yourself
[26:15] Gayle's book, The Magic in Your Heart, and her IG, site and podcast
The primary purpose of the Women Aware and Prepared Podcast is to educate and inform. This podcast series does not constitute advice or services. Please use common sense for your own situation.
